Goodness, time has gotten away from me! Since I last wrote I have moved and settled into my new home here in Missouri, and we are anxiously awaiting my husbands new job as a company commander to begin with his new unit here. There has been many hours spent unpacking and decorating and of course stopping to run off to catch one of the kids or feed them etc. I wanted to take time to let you guys know yes I am still alive and to also write about something that has been pressing heavily on my heart.
Since January I have lost close to thirty pounds. I have dropped down quite a few sizes and am the smallest and most defined I have ever been, I should want to show off my body and be thrilled about this right?! I should...but I have been having quite the struggle with wanting to dress in big baggy clothes and have the urge to run and hide versus anyone seeing my figure. Odd right? Yes and no. You see for years I have chased after this dream of being thin, being in shape, and loving my body. The problem wasn't that I was over weight the problem was me, myself and I. Now that I have reached the end of my weight loss journey, now what? You know how they always say be careful what you wish for because you might just get it? I think there is some truth in this statement. My point in sharing all of this with you is that I do not want you to lose yourself while you are on this journey. While maintaining a healthy lifestyle is very important and reaching for your goals is even more so, you should never lose your identity in it.
While working out and changing my body has been something I have enjoyed it has also at times become an unhealthy fixation. Never let this "goal" or any goal become your focus over your family, your personal relationship with God, or any other important life staple. My husband and I were having a conversation about all of this not too long ago when I said well maybe I am just obsessed with trying to look good for you (I was trying to make light of the situation) and he replied back by saying he didn't see that considering all I wore was gym clothes and my hair up. Ouch, but it was a truth I needed to hear. My husband loves me regardless of my size in jeans and so do my kids and God himself, so WHY can't I do the same?
The issue at hand isn't about the number you see on the scale ladies, and even though I still stand by my healthy lifestyle I will say it is JUST as important to be emotionally healthy. Do not focus so much on beating yourself up, but embracing your flaws and working with them. My nanny Guidry used to always tell me I had our family hips and thighs and I remember hating them for as long as I can remember, but now I embrace them because they were larger I was able to build better muscle and definition in them to run faster and be stronger. It is all about finding the silver lining in the cloud. Being comfortable with who I am physically and emotionally will continue to be a learning and growing process but I am ok with that, as should you be. Remember who you are and what is important to you in life first off then focus on making yourself and those relationships stronger and healthier just like your body :) It isn't about a race to the finish line necessarily because there is no rush, life is a day at a time a lesson at a time and we will never stop learning or growing stronger. Until next time- Amanda
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